Listening to: London's Burning - The Clash

Im smoking and the past just lives on my shoulder, and I don't know why it does. The past doesn't equal to the future but somehow it haunts me. Im covered with names I once loved, and im hugging the name I love right now. The names I once loved its distracting me from everything, but I still hold tight on the name that I love, which is of course Maisah.

It was on the 5th of December, yes it was, and on that 5th December I finally tasted the bitterness of love. I can't let it die down like the cigarette im smoking is doing. It just won't die down. Of course I have forgotten about her, yes I truly have, but if I have, why am I still talking about her? Its weird how the impact of this really works. That girl left me because she was struck with the greenest of all envy, and coincedently she loved everything green. Don't get me wrong, im still in love with Maisah, its just that all these angst and sadness of the past has caught up with me because I have never really talked about this to anyone. By doing this, at least I get some weight off my shoulder.

There's this other girl too. 2 years ago, yes, I can't exactly remember how it ended but, it was bitter too. Too bitter perhaps, that it still haunts me. I was childish, still not matured and all that childishness actually took a toll on me when we broke off. This problem cost me to loose all my other friends who are now bitter enemies. Like I said, I won't name them, but some should know.

Lucky for me, we were separated. A new life was borned when I turned 15. New friends and I cherish them, because they cherished the new me. This year has been the the best moments of my life. New friends, new life. Im no longer childish(though I ACT like one), and I begin to accept the fact that im not perfect. Yes, i've done alot of soul searching this past months, and I have finally settled down with my life. Now I know what I want, and when I want it to happen. I control my life, and right now, the past is the past, and now is now, no one will change that fact, unless its by Allah's willing.

Now I should go and try to call Maisah again and tell her how much I love her, because I do.